The Date Went Great – Now How Do You Make That First Move?
October 5, 2009
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If You Like Someone But Don’t Know How to Take it Further…
Read This Guide to Making The First Move!”
Step 1: Read the signals Before initiating any kind of move, look for body language clues such as prolonged eye contact to help you work out whether you’ll get a positive response. A woman may be more willing than usual to expose certain areas of her body like her neck or wrists. She may touch you, or display self-grooming gestures. A man may exhibit more animalistic signals or ownership gestures, to impress a potential mate. These may include resting an arm on the back of her chair, puffing out his chest or widening his shoulders. Both sexes may engage in ‘mirroring’, which is subconsciously copying the actions of the other person’s body positions.
Step 2: Conversation If they find someone attractive, men and women won’t necessarily say what they’re really thinking. Instead of listening to what is being said, concentrate on how it is being said. If he says; ‘I’m interested in art’. He may mean I am interested in you” If she says; ‘What’s your favourite surrealist painting?’ She may mean; ‘Are you genuinely interested?’ If he says; ‘I love Dali’s The Persistence of Memory’. He may mean; ‘I’m trying really hard here because you’re hot’. If she says; ‘I’ve got that on my bedroom wall’. She may mean; ‘I want you to see it’.
Step 3: If the woman is making the first move The male form is majestic, enticing and readily available. Approach with free abandon and curious hands. Be a predator. Remove any unnecessary items of clothing. The only potential problem that could arise will occur when choosing topics of conversation. Don’t mention ex-boyfriends, health problems, or your imminent desire for babies.
Step 4: If the man is making the first move The female form is mysterious, enticing and notoriously difficult to get hold of. Approach with caution. Certain parts of the body should not be touched initially, like the breasts or bum. Instead, try lightly touching less intimate areas of the body – such as the upper arm, or the outer leg nearest to you.
Step 5: The kiss If they haven’t rejected your advances so far, then you can start to feel more confident about stealing a kiss. For specific tips on kissing, watch ‘How to kiss someone passionately’. It takes guts to go for a kiss, and if you are feeling out of your comfort zone, try to relax, as lack of confidence is rarely attractive to the opposite sex. Maintain eye contact, lean in and pause when your faces are close but not touching, to allow the other person space to escape or, hopefully, lean in too.
First Impressions: Look Good When Dating!
October 5, 2009
In You Stroll, looking hot in that new dress or suit with the Manolo’s or Jimmy Choo shoes. You know you look good after all, it cost you a fortune. You are feeling confident due to the way you are looking and you know he wants you. Go get him girl. Does that ring true? Well maybe, maybe not. On the other hand, in you stroll, black Armani or Hugo Boss suit, Italian leather shoes, handmade shirt. You are feeling good, you are feeling successful, you are feeling confident. Yes, my friends, in this fatuous day and age we are what we wear.
Now, I am not saying that we need to spend a King’s ransom on the latest designer gear, fashions, style and hand crafted luxury wear from Italy or wherever. But I am suggesting that when we dress well we feel good, we believe we look good and we feel we can do anything we choose. So when dating, its important to look good because if you do, you will feel good too. Good style means a good level of confidence.
Forget arguing about body shape and expense in your defense against my argument here, it doesn’t wash. You can look stylish and classic whatever your shape within reason and whatever your budget. Black will always be classic and well tailored clothes will always look a cut above the rest. I cannot walk down any high street or through any mall these days without being inundated with a sense of style. Everywhere we look there are shops desperate to dress you well. The fact that you don’t choose to go in them is not the point. Therefore turning up for your first date in a comfy sweatshirt or sports top may make you feel relaxed but it shows absolute contempt for your date who has spent the best part of the last two hours getting ready for your squalid self. Get a grip man.
Okay, so whilst my female readership doesn’t need a lecture in self presentation generally, my male readership often does. The first thing I want you to remember men is that a woman will judge you by looking straight down at your shoes. You may not see what the fuss is about but she may as well be looking straight past your shoes, all the way down to hell. The fact is, the truth is in the detail. You have washed and scrubbed up well, but casting a more detailed glance over you and the small discrepancies are soon revealed. Missing cufflinks, tie all over the place, missing shirt button etc. All mean that deep down either you are a deeply wild and windswept sex god or you are a disaster in the making who has no idea of style and presentation. If you can’t dress yourself buddy, what makes you think you can undress her.
But shoes are the biggest giveaway because men think of them as practical necessities that are comfortable rather than looking at the style involved. It is obvious what is classic and in fashion right now, simply turn your eyes and look through the window of the nearest ubiquitous show store. Once you have bought them, ensure they match the rest of the outfit. No don’t mix brown with black and if shoeshine cream is as rare as diamonds in your apartment then get back to the shop and sort it out. Good shoes mean that you have attention to detail, she has seen and she has noted!
Men often make the mistake of thinking that the woman is relaxed and kind of a casual gal so he doesn’t need to go mad when meeting up. He can be smart but casual. I have news for you, most men are casual, not smart but casual. It doesn’t happen in my experience. Men have no idea at all what is like to get ready as a woman. The fact that you look subtle and classically understated is lost on a man. He thinks it took you 5 minutes to get ready. He has no idea. Which is why he threw on the white shirt that needed an iron and a pair of casual trousers in such a carefree fashion.
Do not believe GQ-style magazines, however marvelous they are. Whilst there is a small core of very well dressed men out there, they are not the norm. Take your average guy shopping to the mall on a Saturday afternoon and see how long he lasts. Whilst men have a better idea about appearance and do know some label makes and names, they are still eons behind women. But all is not lost. A man with a career can sort himself out in a few easy steps, he simply needs to get his wallet out.
Every man over the age of 25 should have a black, classic, single-breasted, good-quality suit together with the same in navy blue. He should have a casual jacket and a collection of plain colored well made cotton shirts. He should have three pairs of good quality leather shoes, in black and brown and they should be modern and in good condition. A man should have a good quality masculine watch. This is very important as it is possibly the only piece of jewelry a man may ever display. Okay a watch is a timepiece and a necessity but it speaks volumes about you. Some women have expressed a liking for men with large masculine sports watches, but whatever you do wear, it should be a classic as it will speak volumes about your taste.
You should always carry on you a good quality leather wallet that is not stuffed with receipts, preferably in black which you always wear within a jacket pocket, not stuffed into a pocket of your trousers. Whilst you may begin to think I am trying to describe James Bond, you are not far wrong. You can do far worse than to watch a Bond movie to get a sense of class and style. Neither am I suggesting that you alter your image from that which is really you. But as we are discussing first impressions, then you will need to think carefully about the way you do present yourself.
I can only think of a handful of men in my lifetime who do smart but casual well. For many men, it means jeans and a crumpled shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Take a good look about you and think long and hard about your current image and get some feedback from female friends as to how they really perceive your look. You may get a nasty shock. If you are pleasantly surprised then you are on your way.
Finally, though I have spelt this out before, I will do it one more time. Looking good is important, as is feeling comfortable. However along with this you should smell good. For men, Aftershave and cologne of a high quality are essential, and the less mainstream the better. For a start, if it is not one of the perennial brands then your date may not have smelled the scent before and will find it unusual and possibly attractive. She will most certainly notice. This is all part of making a good impression. It shows you have made an effort for her and you care. More than one Aftershave is good, a lemon based on for day wear and a heavier woody cologne for the evening with a hint of musk. But always consult and test because many Aftershaves do not suit some types of skin. So spray and then walk round the store before deciding.
Looking and smelling good is not a one-off situation. For second and subsequent dates you need to keep up the good work so I am not recommending your first impression-making attempts are not really you. I really am suggesting you take a long hard look at your current image and begin to change things for the better if necessary. And certainly for the long term. Finally, remember that your efforts will be appreciated even if nothing is ever said. In one short phrase, first impressions count.
How To Use Body Language To Your Advantage When Dating!
October 5, 2009
The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better. Start with some sidelong glances. Then, begin with direct eye contact. Once he turns to meet your gaze, immediately lower your eyes and smile to yourself, this will tell him that you were watching him and are embarrassed that he caught you – a sure sign of interest. Next, be bold and try holding his stare, flashing a small, open-lipped smile.
If there is a man that is giving you the eye and you are not interested, look away from him and don`t look back at him again. When in conversation, looking at the ceiling and all around the room, also shows a definite lack of interest.
First Impressions Count
You leave your home ready to go to a party when you spot your gorgeous neighbor, and he doesn’t give you a second glance. Why? Because you aren’t dressed your best. When you enter a room, most people look to see who has come in. This is when you have to make an impression. Looking your best will make you feel your best. So make sure that before you leave your front door, look your best, and you never know you might just attract the attention of that gorgeous neighbor.
The Hand Job (no, not what you are thinking!)
Even without direct contact, your hands can send very powerful messages. There are a number of ways to convey that you want to get to know someone. Keeping your hands unclenched shows you’re open to him. Using your hands to caress objects, such as the rim of your glass, locks of your hair, or the sleeve of your blouse, in a rhythmic (as opposed to fidgety) manner, can be a sensual act. And for the braver hands, try picking fluff off his jacket, touching him to punctuate a point, or using the “accidental touch” when reaching for the salt.
Hands that are jammed in pockets, busy cleaning glasses, or balled in tight fists are all bad signs. Fingers tapping, drumming, pointing, or wagging are also signals to move on.
Stand Out
Your posture is one of the most telling signals you transmit. An open posture is evidence of an open person. Turning your body toward the man you’re conversing with, keeping your feet flat on the floor and leaning forward are actions that show interest. As well, slightly tilting your head, crossing and uncrossing your legs, and thrusting your chest forward give the message that you are interested.
As for ways to send a man packing, crossing your arms, holding a drink high in front of you, turning your body away or resting your feet on their toes will tell a person you are not interested.
…A Few Extra Tips
Hopefully by now, you have an attack plan and a clear idea of when it’s time to get down and dirty, or when you’re best just to wave the white flag. Here are just a few more tips when trying to perfect your body language skills:
A. You’ll know things are going really well when you begin “mirroring” one another’s body language and gestures.
B. Don`t tease him by offering more than you plan to follow through. This can lead to very ugly circumstances.
C. Chain smoking, being extremely intoxicated, or having eyes only for your plate of food will not put you in the best standing for the body language game.
D. If you try your hand at it, and he’s not responding, abort the mission immediately.?
E. Following him around all night will only serve in making you look needy and desperate.
…And finally, if all else fails, buy yourself a T-shirt that reads, “Looking for Love.”
Where Is My Soul Mate?
October 5, 2009
Do you worry that you will never date someone wonderful? Do you think love has passed you by? Do you long for a great relationship with your soul mate? When it comes to finding love, do you feel that you are too old or too young; too fat or too thin; too sharp or too dull? Are you just “too” something and that “something” is keeping you from having what you want?
If you say yes to any of the above questions…you are not alone. Many people feel there is some obstacle blocking their chances to finding their Soul Mate.
Whenever I am confronted with what seems like a hopeless situation, I remember how my mother decided to become a rodeo rider at the age of 50. She was terrified of horses, was a terrible rider, and had advancing arthritis. However, since my father, sister, and brother were all rodeo champions, she said she was tired of being left out.
Her arthritis worsened, she never was a very good rider, but she just quietly hung in there. She got up every morning at five a.m. to ride her horse and rode again at night when she finished working. She went to rodeos and jackpot races every weekend. By the age of 65, she was starting to win. At the age of 83, she was the oldest professional rodeo rider on the circuit. The minute she rode into the arena, she brought crowds to their feet in a roar of admiration. They loved her. Why? Because she would never give up.
Being Single is a Lot Like that Story! You have to make up your mind that you are going to do something (set a goal) and then put everything you have into accomplishing it. There will always be obstacles to what you want.
There are, however, warnings about who will prevail over those obstacles and who will not. There are seven warning signs that you will never meet someone, fall in love, and live happily ever after with your Soul Mate. When you know what the warning signs are, you can DO something about them so you can have who and what you want.
This is how you spell W.A.R.N.I.N.G.
W is for waiting. Waiting for Mr. Right or Miss Wonderful to knock on your door and sweep you away to a life of bliss isn’t going to happen. Waiting for the right job, or to lose weight, or to get a new house or car, or even for the holidays to begin isn’t going to get you any closer to love either. It is only through taking action to get out and meet people that you are going to move closer to your goal.
A is for assumptions. As a single, it is easy to make false assumptions. You may think that all of your friends know that you want to date and that they would introduce you to someone. But that usually doesn’t happen because first, people get busy with their own lives, and second, they often would not be presumptious enough to bring you someone to date. You have to ask. Turn your friends and family members into scouts. Tell everyone that you would like to meet someone wonderful.
R is for running away. Many people want to meet someone because they want to run away from the life they have. This consciousness about life will never bring you the one you want. Do everything in your power to make your life fabulous so you can attract fabulous.
N stands for “No,” as in saying no to what doesn’t work for you. The word “no” keeps people, activities, and places that are toxic to your system out of your world. It’s hard to attract someone wonderful if you are full of poison.
I stands for Isolated. Becoming isolated is a danger for all singles. You need a network of support systems for your health, happiness, and ability to meet others. Guard against isolation.
N is for negative. No one wants to be around negativity. Ask your friends or coworkers how you come across. If you appear negative to others, go to counseling or find a coach and improve your attitude.
G is for growth. Personal growth and insight keep you from getting stuck in a rut. Learning and growing also makes you very attractive. Seek to know yourself. You want to become the person you are looking for. This is how you attract whom you want.
Heed these warning signs. If you recognize any of the above in yourself, change your course. It is never too late or too hopeless or too anything to find the love of your life. Don’t give up. Someone waits for you.
Confidence in Dating: Why You Should Become More Confident?
October 5, 2009
Every woman I have asked will answer in a different vein so the answer isn’t all things to all men. Confidence, it appears, is in the eye of the beholder. Even worse, confidence can easily be misconstrued so one has to tread carefully. The point is not confidence itself, but its easier to define by its opposite, fear. Fear in men is not attractive. Fear defines a man as not knowing his own value, lacking a feeling of self worth, not being sure of his abilities, lacking in presence and determination. This I may add is very different from justifiable fear that we all face.
Okay, Back to Confidence. Men are attractive when they are confident said one friend. Another told me, “ooh a confident man makes me go weak at the knees”. So I pressed them further. A confident man it seems is one who carries with him a self-assuredness that is most definitely not arrogance. It is a state where a man feels sure of himself and his abilities, knows what he is about, knows himself for what he can do,, what he may be able to do, what he may fail at but does not fear to try. A confident man is in control of his destiny, his future, his career, his day. And to many women that is very attractive.
After all, a woman is looking for a partner, one who will not only match with her mentally and physically, but someone who can drive her onwards, someone who has ambition and vitality, someone who can pass hi self assuredness on to her. A man who is confident is sexy because he is comfortable with himself, he is in control and he is able to make decisions, good decisions. He is confident in the choices he makes and in choosing you (maybe really you selected him), he passes this feeling of being special on to you. Being selected by the right man can be very sexy indeed.
If you are going to date the beauty in the corner and father her children then running away is not a good start, neither is feeling bad about yourself and failing to be able to hold a decent conversation. Far too many men decide in advance of an approach if they are worth of a woman’s attentions or not. All too often they believe they are not. Except where alcohol is involved. Men in bars exude Confidence, but they also exude beer breath as well! No the fact is that guys who lack confidence prejudge most situations and inevitably take themselves out of the dating fray before it ever happens, hoping, strangely, that the woman will make the first move.
The Fact is, the confident men more often than not get the girl, because the confident man has something about him. I know plenty of good looking handsome men who are afraid to approach women so its not necessarily about looks. No, its about something within. Confidence is about self respect and self understanding. It comes from understanding what you yourself are about and when this happens a sexy man reaches out. Often lack of confidence in men is because of physique and yet it is an issue so easy to fix. 12 weeks in a gym will change a man’s life. A fit man is a confident man. Dress is also something that instills confidence. No man has an excuse for not dressing reasonably smart these days as fashion for men is everywhere.
Ultimately we all lose confidence from time to time. People can take our confidence away at work or at home, in partnerships and on our own. Ultimately though these are passing phases. If a man can do one thing for himself in the Dating Game, that is to learn about his own confidence levels in an honest way and then go about doing something to increase them. Feel good about yourself guys and someone will feel good about you.
Tips on Choosing the Right Person from the Dating Scene!
October 5, 2009
OKAY, So You date people hoping that one of these days you will come across the right person, the one you will make the greatest romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going nowhere and believe that you just have no luck with meeting the right people? Feel like you are lost and doomed in this whole Dating business? Stop feeling sorry for yourself!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything right? Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that you got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to look out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are you really looking for in a lover? What are your needs and desires? What qualities are important for a person to have and what other qualities are you willing to compromise with and accept?
Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will help prevent you from staying in the Dating Scene forever. It is essential that you observe your actions and decisions, making sure that you do not continue to date certain people in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing the connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue with Dating that person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting that persons feelings, but what you must remember is that there is nothing too personal or emotional between the two of you anyway, so just throw that excuse out and just break it off, in a polite manner of course!
This is where so many get stuck, mistaking casual trial dates, with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound too businesslike for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt or disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong. This does not mean that you have to be harsh and rude, but it does mean that you have to make finding the right person a first and high priority for, not worrying about what other people with think of you.
Which moves us to the next essential point in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose of the date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners or personality you put on, you will never be in control of what your date will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary stress aside.
Instead, shift your focus about what you will think about him or her. Observe everything about them. Do YOU like their appearance? Does their personality appeal to YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good connection? As you can see, it is what you think that is important here, because you are the one looking for the right person, as well as certain qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!
The Fear of Being Single Forever can cloud your good judgment, causing you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being with anybody, even if you are not crazy about him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever.
Being honest and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way, if they get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you can then move on to dating someone else.
As Long as You Get Real with Yourself, stop making excuses, know what your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you Date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages, misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated to find him or her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin the kind of Relationship that you have always longed for, needed and deserve.
Dating Approach: Safe Dating Tips for Single Women and Men!
October 5, 2009
YOU KNOW, online dating on the web is generally extremely safe, especially friendly and great fun and You Must committed to ensuring that it stays that way. It is safe dating because it is distance dating – simple! You do not come into contact with others initially and this may well provide you with a comfort factor that also allows you to pace yourself and be rightly choosey.
If possible though, you should try and follow a few basic online safe dating principles before deciding to pass over personal contact information to a relative stranger or arrange to meet them. It’s all too easy to get a little carried away when viewing personal ads so take things slowly and take a rain check every now and again. The tips here are from Passion.com. They may appear obvious to you but we think that if you do try and follow them, it can only assist you in ensuring you have happy online dating experiences. And you never know, Mr. or Miss Right may be just round the corner. We really hope so.
A. Always trust your instinct, after all it has got you this far in life already.
B. Take your time and view plenty of personal ads first.
C. Do not publish your phone number or email address in personal ads.
D. Don’t take everything at face value.
E. Do ask lots of questions when chatting.
F. Ensure you feel comfortable at all times whoever you are chatting with.
G. If someone is abusive to you, block them straight away.
H. Don’t provide your home or work address to anyone you have not met.
I. Before agreeing to a date, check that you know as much as possible
K. Don’t allow yourself to be talked into anything, whatsoever! You are the one in charge.
Also Consider The Following:
I. Take your time to get to know someone. Don’t be rushed.
II. A patient person will be happy to wait until you are ready to meet
III. Make sure you see plenty of photos if possible of the person you make friends with.
IV. Ask your date to leave a message in your voicemail box before hand if possible
V. Chat on the phone for a while before arranging a date, get to know each other
VI. Always meet in a public place that is well known and convenient to you.
VII. Always tell a good friend where you are going, and who you are meeting
VIII. If possible phone your friend during the date to confirm all is fine.
And Perhaps Consider These Points Too:
1. Always carry a cellular phone on a date if you have one.
2. Lunchtimes are good for dating, convenient, and they have a time limit.
3. Always make your own travel arrangements on a date initially!
4. Do not accept a lift home on the first date or reveal your address.
5. If travelling far, organize your own accommodation and confirm it.
6. Ensure you have as much information about your date as possible!
7. Keep your first date to a time limit so that you have an “Exit” point.
8. Don’t feel you owe it to someone to meet them, you do not!
When We Think of Safe Dating by sets of rules like this it can all get pretty silly and scary but the fact is that we are introducing ourselves to strangers without the company of friends. It will always be a wise choice to have a friend close by even if they are sitting at a nearby table. But whatever you decide is best for you, keep your wits about you and enjoy your date!
Should We Take This Relationship to the Next Level or End It?
October 5, 2009
ONCE YOU’VE dated someone for a couple of months, you probably have a pretty good indication as to whether or not you?d like to take the relationship to the next level.
Deciding whether or not to move forward can be tricky, but it doesn?t need to be. What follows are several questions whose answers you must not only know about your partner but also find acceptable for the long-haul so you can decide whether or not to move things forward or end the relationship now.
Additionally, your partner isn?t the only one who needs to ?pass? these Relationship and compatibility markers. If you yourself have any issues with the following items, it may be wise to investigate your own readiness and ability to be in a serious relationship and discuss your feelings with your partner.
Is This Person Morally Aligned With You? Morals can include things like a person?s character, their level of integrity, and whether or not they are an honest person. While there are many other aspects to a person?s morality that are beyond the scope of a short article such as this one, but hopefully these initial ideas will give you enough meaning to move towards an answer.
For instance, someone who lies, cheats, exaggerates, steals or ignores the welfare of others is a person who most people would find themselves incompatible with. Yet how many times have you dated someone with those personality characteristics? Many of us have, but that doesn?t excuse doing it now.
Examine your partner?s moral code and how it both affects you, and works with you. If there are inconsistencies here, of if you have more questions along these lines, it?s time to have a serious discussion with each other.
Are Your Long-Term Wants and Needs Congruent or At Least Compatible? Frequently we?ll date people thinking that once they make a commitment, certain aspects of their needs and wants will change. ?He?ll want to have kids after a couple of years of marriage,? or, ?She?ll focus less on work and more on me once we move in together,? are both examples of this kind of skewed thinking.
It?s True That People Change! But why get serious with a person who is adamant they don?t want something you are dead set on having, or cannot accept a part of who you are that isn?t going to evolve anytime soon? If your long term needs aren?t compatible, it?s time to end this relationship and save everyone some long term heartache.
ThirtySomething and Single: Thoughts for ThirtySomethings!
October 5, 2009
Being ThirtySomething is rapidly becoming the crux age for many of us. It’s the time when we have matured and have woken up one morning to understand finally who we are and what we are about. We generally have some idea of direction at this age and it is a time for choices and crossroads. Life may have begun at 40 in times gone by but these days your 30th Birthday is the age to sit up and take note. It is a time for reflection and self analysis, for checking how we are doing with our ambitions, and coming to terms with the fact that we are passing into a more mature age group – like it or not. I am not suggesting that becoming 30 means getting older or changing our lives but there are few of us who doubt it is not a time when we start to think – think a lot.
Now, dating is heavily related to this ThirtySomethings age group because now that careers have been sorted out and a salary is coming in regularly it has dawned on us that we better get a partner to share some of these things with. For women, it may be a time when children become dauntingly high on their list of priorities and the hunt is on for a suitable parent and father. It may not yet be a time for frantic panic but its not far away. We will not get steadily older and whilst some of us will get better with age, most of us start to look a little ragged round the edges so we need to secure the best Dating Options whilst we still can.
Being ThirtySomething means having more time and money to date properly, to make decisive choices about who, where and what you want to date and to learn from past dating mistakes. By now most of us will have at least on important Relationships in the bag though some of us will not yet have fallen in love. We have strong friendships and plenty of shared practical experience in the ways of the heart. But all is not well, dating as you get older becomes increasingly frustrating and tiring. Your base levels for a perfect match have increased and you are becoming increasingly selective. You are tired of meeting jerks and timewasters and people who simply don’t match with you, people out for sex and anything they can get.
The other major thing to add is that dating for ThirtySomethings is higher risk. Time is moving on, you don’t want to waste more years in another failed relationship so you become determined to get it right so you become more cautious and careful. You are aware of divorce law, so you are also aware that you can meet the wrong person and they could take half of what you worked so hard to achieve. You have become cautious in your old age. Dating fatigue has set in if you have been single for some time and you feel increasingly frustrated that you will not meet the right person.
There is a tiny dread in the back of your mind that it may not be possible to meet Mr. or Miss Right because just maybe they don’t exist. Increasingly you may come across unparalleled shallowness, in both sexes. Men can lose their hair in their thirties and Women can age in different ways. Suddenly you won’t do because you are thin on top or maybe your bosom isn’t as pert as it was 10 years ago. You discover that that search for a soul mate may well be bull and that if you are George Clooney or Jennifer Aniston you will always do nicely.
The next issue to hit ThirtySomethings when dating is where to date. In your twenties you were are trance and rave clubs until 3am, or in bars with friends dancing until all hours and still able to be fresh in the office for 8.30am. Now you are 35, it isn’t so easy to burn the candle at both ends. You need your sleep, you may not feel comfortable in places surrounded by people a decade younger so you may seek out solace in newer places. It is true that the cafe bar society has grown out of a wealthy ThirtySomething dating society and we can be thankful, but places to date are still not as easy to come by. It seems that clubs for ThirtySomethings are a little forced, and too directed to in your face dating. In other words, subtlety of the dating ritual has been lost, you are being checked out from the moment you enter the room.
Another issue that crops up with dating and ThirtySomethings is the age group we should date. Should we go for younger people, let us say aged 25 upwards, or maybe we like the more mature man or woman, let us say over 40. This really is an issue. It is an issue if we are still wanting children. In our thirties the people we may meet could already have a child or be separated or divorced and don’t want another child. Or they may be actively seeking to have a child. If you are a woman you may be looking for a man who will make a good father.
If you are a man you may be looking for a woman of child bearing age and therefore may not consider a woman over 40. This is the dilemma. Age starts to become a factor. It is possible you will feel you don’t have much in common with someone aged 21 but do find them Attractive, on the other hand you may find yourself drawn to the more mature aspects of an older man or woman. You can go in both directions at this age as you straddle the age gap.
The people we meet of our own age gap now have stories to tell, they may have baggage or they may have lost of baggage. We all have some kind of emotional dross we carry with us but in this age group it becomes very relevant. Do we want to meet people who already have a child by someone else, could we cope with children who aren’t ours? There are a great many people on the rebound who have just spent years in relationships that didn’t end. They could have had a 12 year marriage and be 31 and divorced and vowing never to get married again. Therefore, the people we meet as ThirtySomethings are far more complex than before.
The Purpose of this Article is not to provide answers but to acknowledge that being ThirtySomething is a very difficult age for dating and to recognize some of the factors that we are all sharing. I for one am 37 and never married so I know this subject well. We will carry on dating with renewed optimism but let us not forget that there are millions of people just like us, all looking for our perfect partner whilst coping with the issues stated.
Tips for The End Of a Date !!
October 5, 2009
1. If You Really Didn’t Have a Great Time, you can always end the date early by being truthful and call an end to proceedings by saying you have an urgent meeting, phone call, appointment etc. Whilst your date will not be a fool, they will understand what you are trying to say. Better still, simply be kind but truthful and point out that you don’t think you will be an ideal match and that you have had a lovely evening but that is all there is to it.
2. Never allow someone to believe there is more on offer than there really is. Do not keep your options open with someone if you don’t intend to call them. It is always better to end the date as a full-stop than to keep someone hanging on for weeks afterwards. So don’t falsely keep someone’s hopes up, ever.
3. If you are a guy you are paying the bill or getting the check, whatever you believe. This is not the moment to start quibbling over who had what from the menu and splitting things. The age of chivalry is not dead and you had the company of the lady this evening, therefore it is your task to leave an excellent and chivalrous image by getting out your credit card.
4. If the lady insists on paying half, this is often the sign of a no-strings-attached evening out and that she prefers to leave things in a very even way. If she wants to do this, it is up to you whether you wish to accept.
5. Do not be planning deep throat kissing and sex immediately after unless it really is on the cards for both of you. And even then, remember that you should be planning to retain your enigma at least for a few dates yet so resolve not to get into bed just yet. As a guy you should be planning to see her to her cab and then give her a small kiss on the cheek.
6. If You Like Your Date, Tell Them! You don’t need to be explicit but you don’t need to be coy either. If you enjoyed their company be forthright and confident and tell them that you would look forward to spending more time in their company very soon. If you can arrange a second date at this stage, then do so but only if you are serious. People do not like being made a fool of or being let down.
7. Do not try to avoid hurting someone’s feelings by pretending you like them more than you really do. If you had a good time but won’t be seeing them again then better to leave things like that.
8. Keep things relaxed, fun and casual and if you feel they are less interested than you, then keep things open-ended and optional. That way your date will have time to reconsider.
9. If you are a guy see your date safely to a cab or her car and do not make her feel any pressure whatsoever. If you are a girl then ensure you feel comfortable with this happening. If you prefer to see yourself to a cab then do so.
10. Always remember that dating is a stage by stage process and nothing rarely happens instantly. Therefore the first date was exactly that with hopefully many more to follow.
11. And finally but perhaps controversially, don’t offer friendship as substitute. This is a date and has it’s basis in romance. Ultimately you will find friends in many different places, but you should view dating as the possibility of establishing romance as your foremost priority.