Older Women in Love With Younger Men: Can it Last?
November 22, 2009
Tonja Weimer asked:
Have you ever dated a younger man? If you are a man, have you been seeing an older woman?
The older woman/younger man duo is more prevalent today than ever before. But this couple also faces some challenges. Some remain as a strong couple, but others disintegrate. Have you wondered why some older woman/younger man relationships last and others do not?
Here are some of the main reasons a couple falls apart, and what you can do to prevent it:
* A different vision for their lives.
Many couples who come to counseling express that they had one idea of what they thought the marriage should be and then discovered too late that their spouse had another.
Take some time and ask each other what you would have your life be if you had the ideal situation and partner. Ask what each of you expects of the other in a relationship. Write your answers on paper first, and then share them with each other.
* Different values.
You say that you value family relationships, and you have a close relationship with your family members. Your love interest says they value the same thing, but he or she never calls anyone in their family and they do not make plans to go and see them. How will this difference play out for you over time?
Make a list of the top 10 most important values to you and note if your beloved shares and demonstrates those same ones.
* Conflicting messages.
Conflicting messages will drive you nuts with the “come-here-go-away” attitude. One minute your partner is telling you that you are the most important person in the world to them. They are convincing and you believe them. The next minute they are unexpectedly running out the door, breaking your plans for the evening, to be with an old friend.
Develop your boundaries about what is okay with you and what is not. If you have an agreement with your partner and they break it, you need to let them know how you feel and then take appropriate actions. (Have clear cut, realistic expectations of each other; make sure your plans are stated clearly; have the hard conversation about what each of your priorities are and what you can expect from each other.)
* Communication.
This one seems obvious, but it isn’t. The strength of any relationship lies in communication. Too many people walk around, not having the commitment they want or knowing where the relationship is going because they are afraid to ask. They don’t want to hear what they think the other one might say. Whether you are the older woman or the younger man, after a reasonable amount of time, you deserve to know the intentions of your beloved, and the depth of their caring. In most cases, if you don’t ask, you don’t receive. And if you don’t hear what you need and want, you need to move on, because you deserve someone wonderful.
All of the issues for a older woman/younger man couple seem to wind up in the domain of communication. If there is strong chemistry, values, shared dreams, and interests, communication makes those qualities stronger.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
Granny Dating UK Mature Ladies UK
Have you ever dated a younger man? If you are a man, have you been seeing an older woman?
The older woman/younger man duo is more prevalent today than ever before. But this couple also faces some challenges. Some remain as a strong couple, but others disintegrate. Have you wondered why some older woman/younger man relationships last and others do not?
Here are some of the main reasons a couple falls apart, and what you can do to prevent it:
* A different vision for their lives.
Many couples who come to counseling express that they had one idea of what they thought the marriage should be and then discovered too late that their spouse had another.
Take some time and ask each other what you would have your life be if you had the ideal situation and partner. Ask what each of you expects of the other in a relationship. Write your answers on paper first, and then share them with each other.
* Different values.
You say that you value family relationships, and you have a close relationship with your family members. Your love interest says they value the same thing, but he or she never calls anyone in their family and they do not make plans to go and see them. How will this difference play out for you over time?
Make a list of the top 10 most important values to you and note if your beloved shares and demonstrates those same ones.
* Conflicting messages.
Conflicting messages will drive you nuts with the “come-here-go-away” attitude. One minute your partner is telling you that you are the most important person in the world to them. They are convincing and you believe them. The next minute they are unexpectedly running out the door, breaking your plans for the evening, to be with an old friend.
Develop your boundaries about what is okay with you and what is not. If you have an agreement with your partner and they break it, you need to let them know how you feel and then take appropriate actions. (Have clear cut, realistic expectations of each other; make sure your plans are stated clearly; have the hard conversation about what each of your priorities are and what you can expect from each other.)
* Communication.
This one seems obvious, but it isn’t. The strength of any relationship lies in communication. Too many people walk around, not having the commitment they want or knowing where the relationship is going because they are afraid to ask. They don’t want to hear what they think the other one might say. Whether you are the older woman or the younger man, after a reasonable amount of time, you deserve to know the intentions of your beloved, and the depth of their caring. In most cases, if you don’t ask, you don’t receive. And if you don’t hear what you need and want, you need to move on, because you deserve someone wonderful.
All of the issues for a older woman/younger man couple seem to wind up in the domain of communication. If there is strong chemistry, values, shared dreams, and interests, communication makes those qualities stronger.
Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
Granny Dating UK Mature Ladies UK